Journal Entry; Curiosity Killed the Experience

I have to remind myself that he is just he

That I am just I 

That the dog that is barking is just a dog that is barking.

In this moment. 

I told myself that this morning. Well, that's just a part of what I recited to myself -The real version involved characters from a Seamus Heaney play.  The following is another journal entry. Another rambling of thoughts and ideas written while taking an inbound train on 17 September, 2019.  The structure for the essay wasn't intentionally jumbled, until it was. For the essay is, after all, about my brain; An unreasonable puzzle. 

Sometimes when I’m on the train we stop.
There’s nothing we can do. A cart full of passengers look up from their laps, that were sheltering their phones or books, in exchange for awkward eye-glances. This is most of our first time acknowledging one another.  Our eyes all seem to say “What the F—- is going on?”, but our body composure lies untouched by the stalled train; a little slouched and as uncomfortable as that first eye contact.  It is here however, when I meditate; Or meditate by my own means of focusing on one thing and one thing only.
I do not focus on breath or a mantra. I discover my Dhama comes from writing, as I’m doing right now. Sometimes it’s sketching cubism style clocks in my journal, but that's very rare. For I enjoy cubism but cannot produce it, in the same sense I love time and money but have not perfected the art in making either.        I think the train wants me to meditate though, for the fan or AC system sounds like white noise and often lulls me in and out until the train jolts back into a locomotive rhythm.

This week was indulged both inward and outward in conversations on quieting the mind and meditation. You see, my mind often distracts me from the now. Not in an ADHD fashion but in an abstract curiosity, wanting to explore each avenue. Often my mind runs from one idea, hops on a freight train trotting full speed to another city only to be saturated in a sensory overload. While there my brain tastes the wine of the local vineyard imports only to spill the angst juice on it's shirt, noticing that the shirt has already collected dirt, sweat, and blood from previous trips or explorations. By the end of the trip that shirt that my mind has been wearing has been turned into a tie dyed tee of tangents, with each color or stain holding the opportunity to evolve into their own story uniquely but root from the same tree.
Much like passengers on the train whom get off at the station but diverse in multiple ways. Do you follow, or was that just taste of how my mind rambles?

I don't like meditation for this reason. I like having an idea and questioning it, then exploring. As the saying goes, "Question everything"- but "Curiousity killed the cat". So maybe I should just take everything in a mediative manner; For the sake of life or death that is. However, let's return to the original sentence, being distracted from the now. I got the idea for this essay while brushing my teeth listening to music. "On the Road Again" by Bob Dylan was playing. I enjoyed it, but did I experience it? As I was circling my teeth I thought of how experiencing the moment, observing it. This made me think of Jackson Browne, too. My thoughts went as so,

"Bringing It All  Back Home, GOD what an album! Did he know he was going to redefine an entire era in so many genres? This just after folk and protest . Then have an album that opens electric! With the title of that album? You can't bring this home to anyone who pinned Dylan as just a freedom singer, no you need a new tac or nail to pin him on a new bulletin board- one with new agendas on the horizon. These lines, too? What was going on in this time.... The Beatles would have had 'Help!'. huh, not as abstract as this. But that was John shouting for 'Help', insight not abstract. Wait..." 

Jackson Brown was seated behind a piano July 2019 when he stated he was going to play straight through, wasn't going to stop to discuss each song like some artist do. When he goes to a concert he goes to hear the music, we pay to hear the songs. I disagree with the motion, for I love intimate venues for the reason of story telling, but understand where he was coming from. When we receive too much information about something in the present time, we tend to focus only on the knowledge and not the actual artifact that is in-front of us; appreciate it for what it is and nothing more. But then is that judging a book by its cover?

For example watch the following clip from The Golden Girls via Youtube (link here if video doesn't appear below):

Now watch the video again after receiving some background infomation.

"She was not that fond of me. She found me a pain in the neck sometimes. It was my positive attitude  that made Bea mad sometimes. Sometimes if I was happy she'd be furious."

Bea was Beatrice Arthur, whom portrayed Dorthy Zbornak in the popular sitcom, The Golden Girls. This quote came from costar, Betty White, whom played Rose Nylund, in an interview with Michael Musto in 2011 . Knowing that there was this feud on set will the "Oh, Shut up Rose!" quip from Dorthy suggest a different tone next time you watch Dorthy, Rose, Sophia, and Blanche sit down for a chat about Florida drama. Will the cheesecake be fresh and sweet or just fresh?

If we don't allow ourselves to be present will we ever appreciate what is in front of us? I'm not suggesting throwing away our knowledge, because knowing tidbits, history can be severely beneficial and help understand a situation, even heighten and experience. The question is how do we stop ourselves from getting wrapped up in the halls of curiosity and just find the "door on the left" to the waiting room, where our mind can slip into everything we know and love without having to overthink it? *A waiting room might be the wrong setting for this, for a waiting room is where I often overthink.       Is knowledge getting in our way of living? Do babies have the answers; Being so curious innocent and naive. Doesn't that give them the upper hand in life?

Do you experience life anymore or just the ideas of it? Do you meditate or just sedate yourself temporality to focus on a subject?

I don't have the answers. Part of me will continue to say , screw it. Question everything. When you're walking in a city, look up at the carvings in the buildings and let your curiosity run through its grooves. I think we can meditate in the knowing of knowing. Rather not knowing but always being curious. If you're anything like me who can't sit down to meditate, go on a walk and practice leashing your tangents.  Being outside offers a literal world of habitants, weather, and glut of sensory awareness. Run your mind and get a lasso ready. As thoughts jump from one to another, to a new concept, then a bicyclist rides by and the wheels turns in a new direction, swing that rope to lasso, latch on, and zone in on one idea and focus on that. If your mind races again, return to this original idea; meditate on it.  Look at it from a different perspective.  How this idea effects your current society then the global society? How does this idea relate to your day? Does the idea have a time limit? And so forth.
The other part of me will say, look up at those building and run your eyes through the grooves, focusing only on the grooves and the architecture that lies in front of you. I'd say listen to a record and rather than trip over the timeline of music, focus on the pulse and metaphors that are often tangled in them. If you find yourself rolling into a historic rant, ask for another music suggestion, someone you haven't heard before or maybe an album you know little about. Which then might lead you on more curious rants questioning this new song, but curiosity and cognition are separate concepts (that root from the same tree, or get off at the same station). Don't wash away your knowledge, because as mentioned, it can take an experience to another level. Experience everyday moments how they come. if that means analyzing it, then do so. Perhaps, meditation may work for you or your quiet mind might come from a loud one.

The train is thrusting forward and I've got coursework to do. I end these thoughts here, un analyzed. Perhaps full of mistakes and thoughts misconstrued and written or read in a wrong intent. So I'll leave with a quote that appeared on my Twitter timeline as I took a break from writing this. The meaning is different for my intent but, is it? Maybe not. I'll meditate on the thought;

"The more you know, the less you understand." -Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

-L